Your Other Partners

Guys, imagine this conversation happening in your home:

Husband:  Honey, I'm going off to meet with my other partner.
Wife: Sound great, what time will you be home?

Not the reaction you'd expect?

I meet with different church small groups throughout the week.   We meet at McDonalds on Monday morning, we meet in the church library on Tuesdays, we have a running group on Wednesdays, and I am very blessed to have church friends who we get together with regularly.   I tell them often that without them, I do not know where I would be.

My accountability partners keep me on a path where I wouldn't be able to walk on my own.

I recently had gone through an unemployment phase that lasted almost 7 months.  As the provider for my home, I struggled as I watched my wife become the bread winner, working insane hours, to keep our family afloat.  While I love her dearly for being willing to support us on her own, the dad.. the husband... the MAN in me was torn inside allowing her to do this.

I took a job as a car salesperson at a "We Finance Everyone!" lot a few months back.  When I took the job, I was excited to have a real paycheck.  I would be able to take care of my family the way I felt I needed to.

But then, it was training time.  Lie, cheat, steal, avoid the truth.  Charge 5 times what a car is worth.  Don't sell for cash because we choose to cheat them out of their interest rate due to their poverty.

I hated it, and I felt wrong doing the job.  But how could I leave this job - the first one I had in 7 months - because I didn't "like" it?  It wasn't the 'responsible' thing to do, was it?

So, I texted my accountability partners.  

What do I do?  Do I stay?  Do I go?  Where is God leading me?  What does He want me to do?  What does He expect out of me?

At the end of the day, following many scriptures, words of faith and moral support, I came to the realization that my integrity and my faith did not allow me to lower myself to these standards.  I quit the job that same day.

I could not live without the partners that I have been given.  My wife has supported me through everything, and the Lord has blessed me with a very loving, supportive and God fearing woman.  If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be the Christian Father and Husband I am today.  My friends - my accountability partners - have been there to carry me when I'm down, lift me up and allow me to look into the mirror and be proud of the man I am trying to be.

God didn't want us to try this world alone.  The Bible is loaded with scripture that tell us to work together, to be the church family.

Galatians 6:1-2 - Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

We are to watch each other's backs.  Do you have a friend that needs help?  Does he seem like he is struggling?  God wants us to be there to put our hands on his shoulder.  No matter what we do in this world, we need to recognize that we live in His world.  He has given us the ability to love, and we should experience that at the highest level.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 - Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

What a great couple of verses.  This points directly to the need to have accountability partners.  Where you fall, they will lift you.  And when they fall, you will rise them up.

As you go through your day, think about the guys in your life.  Us "dudes" were taught that we can handle life on our own, and that asking for help is a sign of weakness.  If we fail, we are supposed to "pull ourselves up by the bootstraps".  I lived that way for a long time, and it has taken me a long time to realize that I do not hold ownership of this life on earth.

It is very clear to me that what we have, we should lift it up to Him, as he is the one that provides and gives us each of our successes.  If this is the case (and it is), and the Word is crystal clear that we should do this together, what can we do to honor Him?

Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

God gave us the ultimate sacrifice of his son, Jesus Christ.  Let's honor that by honoring each other.

The Old Man and the Umbrella

Ephesians 5:25 - "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her".

There has been a picture going around online that shows a picture of a grumpy old man - with his back turned to his equally grumpy old wife, and he's holding an umbrella over her head in the rain, even though he doesn't seem happy about it.  I've seen the picture with captions, but the one that stick out the most to me was "You can be mad at her, but always love her".

Many of you guys out there are probably smiling (or is that a smirk?) as you read this.  You know exactly what I'm talking about.  Your wife has nagged you about the laundry.  She has pointed out the fact that while she was out shopping, you failed to empty the garbage.  I could give you thirty examples (nothing from MY beautiful bride, of course.  Just totally fictional excuses.. right, honey?) about how your wife has gotten on your nerves.

But what do they all have in common?

Whether you know she is right, or if you think she is wrong, they drive you crazy.

But what else do they have in common?

No matter how much she drives you crazy, you always come back for more.  Why is that?

Just like the old guy in the picture, no matter how much she drives him crazy, he loves her.  And not just the way Hallmark tells us to love her, but the never-ending, unconditional type of love.  The love that tells you that no matter how crazy that woman is, I will never, ever be happier than what I am with her by my side.  The type of love that makes you look into the eyes of your children and you thank God for allowing her and them to come into your life, because nothing make you happier than knowing that after a long day, you get to come home to her and them (even if there is an overflowing pile of dishes waiting for you).

That type of love is irreplaceable.  No matter what happens, you love her.  You love her unconditionally, and you always will.

That's not a worldly love that comes and goes as it pleases.  Even when this old man is getting rained on, and even though he is upset with her, he will hold that umbrella above her because he loves and respects her.  Forever.  No matter how crazy she is.

That's a Godly love right there, gentlemen.  That's the same love that God exhibited when He sent his own son to die on the cross to save us from our own sins.  That love is undeniable.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 says, "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful".

It sounds to me that Love is a serious thing.

So, the next time you start piling up a list of things that your wife does that drives you crazy, remember that this is the woman that God put into your life to support and love you.

And if that isn't enough, remember that for every one of those things that she does, she can probably provide a list twice the size of yours that you do that drives her crazy.

I Love You, Man

I tell my kids that I love them probably 50-80 times a day.  When I say that, I'm not exaggerating.  When I wake up and see one of them, I tell them that I love them.  They walk down the hallway?  I love you, son.  They're eating their breakfast?  I love you, baby girl.   Over and over, again and again.

I get this from my wife.  When we were dating, engaged and then married, she used to ask me if I thought that she told me that she loved me too often.  I always told her that there was no such thing as too much love.  I believed it that day, and I believe it to this day.

Many families have an issue with expressing love, but not our family.  On the phone, in texts, and even the old antiquated 'in-person' - we tell each other that we love each other every day, and often.

We were made to love each other.  In fact, the Bible is very specific about this.  1st John 4:7-8 instructs us so.  The verse reads, "beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love".

To me, it's easy to love my wife and kids.  I tell them every day that they are my greatest achievement.

But, it doesn't stop there.  What about the other people in our lives?  God didn't want us to love just the people that are easy.  He doesn't command us to "love our kids".  That part is a piece of cake.

Recently I have gone through some personal issues that forced me to lean on the support group of my friends at church.  After one certain issue, a friend of mine hugged me, and told me that he loved me.  I was a bit taken aback - not because I trust him as a friend, but it was a grown man expressing that he loved me.

I thought about it for a while - how could he love me?  I mean, we are friends, and I trust him with many of my personal issues - but... love?  Isn't that reserved for family, wives and children?  I always considered love a very intimate, serious emotion reserved for the closest of relationships.

However, I have realized that when referring to these relationships, I was neglecting the most important relationship that I have - the one that I have with my savior.

1st John 3:16 says, "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers".  
Jesus loved us more than any of us could return that same emotion, and he paid the ultimate price for us.  Is there anyone in your life outside of your wife or children that you could say the same thing?  Other than your own flesh and blood, is there someone that would you give your life - or the life of your own son - to protect?

There's no doubt that I wouldn't take a bullet right between my eyes to protect my wife and kids.  I know in my heart that I would be able to do this.  It would not be easy, but given (or forced) to make this choice, I sincerely believe that I could make that conscious decision.

But what about this church friend of mine  - could I do that for him?  I mean, could I even express my appreciation to him as love?   At first, this perplexed me.  How can one grown man express love to another?
I've come to this realization, and I feel that I am right on this.  This friend of mine isn't just a friend.  He is someone I trust.  He is someone that I rely on when times get rough.  But the similarities don't end there.

He prays for me.  He picks me up when I'm down.  He protects me, supports me, and has a genuine care for me.  And how can he feel this way?

John 13:34-35 - "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

I have been blessed to be surrounded by guys like him.  He not only is my friend, but as I'm starting to understand why he can look me in the eye and tell me that he loves me.  He is my BROTHER in CHRIST.

Why is this important?

In my relationship with my wife, we work towards the same goals - paying the bills, supporting the family, keeping the roof over our head and food on the table.  One of the biggest lessons we strive to teach our children is to serve our Lord.  We are religious people in a non-religious world, and we constantly strive to give good examples where sometimes, other good examples just don't exist.  That's where our church family comes in.

I honestly believe that when my friend sees me growing in my faith - working hard to make sure my family grows up in a Christian home with Christian influences - he cheers me on.  When our families spend time together, whether it be at church, a church function or just a barbecue with friends, I believe that he has invested time in our relationship.  I am confident that when he tells me that he loves me, I believe it.

And you know what?

Just as Jesus wants us to take care of each other and spend time building relationships, I can say in confidence that I love him too.

Son, Father, Husband

Son.  Father. Husband.

Allow me to explain.  For most of my adult life, if you asked me what was most important to me, I would have two answers for you.  First, I would tell you that my kids were the most valuable to me - my life's greatest achievement.  My second reply would be the woman that gave birth to these achievements - the woman who has stood by my side through thick or thin.

Easy, my wife and kids.

I think that's an easy way to look at things in this world.  And frankly, I still have a hard time comparing anything or anyone to them.  They are my world, my life, and I proudly dedicated my life to them and will forever do so.

So, how can be a son rank higher than either of these?

While my own father would be very proud of me - as I am very lucky to hear this from him often - I am referring to Jesus Christ.   Now, it would be easy - and almost flippant - to discard the impact this man - this Holy Father, has had in my life.   In fact, the Bible is very clear about this:

1 Chronicles 29:11-14 (NIV)

Yours, Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, Lord, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power     to exalt and give strength to all. Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name.

As I look into the mirror, I see a father to my five children, and a loving supporter and teammate to my bride.  So, what is this scripture saying?  In all things - and this includes my relationships, his hands are the strength and power.  This is the same strength and power that He gave to us.  The wealth that we obtain, the honor that we strive for, both in these relationships, work, school and life - these are the things that us men strive for.  He provides this to us - all we have to do is listen.

So why do I call this blog "SFH Today"?

Because we are a SON to our Holy Father first.

We are a FATHER to our children next.

We are a HUSBAND to our wives next.

I don't know about you, but I am a man who knows that I can not carry the world on my own shoulders.  Some days are admittedly better than others, but I know as a Christian that I can do all things through Him.

This blog is not going to be a Bible study or tutorial - because anyone who knows me knows that I am FAR from being a Biblical scholar.  This blog is going to be about support - to the men who are fathers, and to the men who are husbands.  These are two incredibly difficult pursuits, and arguably the most important roles we will ever fill.

So, follow along and contribute.   Let's work through this together - our struggles and our successes.  You never know - after long enough, we might just have an idea about what we're doing when it comes to raising our children and supporting our wives.